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Here Are The 6 Myths About Forgiveness


To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you. - Lewis B. Smedes

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Forgiving those who have hurt us is something we know we probably should do, but few of us are eager to actually put into practice. When someone has robbed you of something precious—your self-esteem, your innocence, your reputation or your faith in humanity—refusing to forgive someone can seem like one of the only ways to get retribution. 

Holding on to old resentments is not only unhealthy; it can also hamper our ability to have successful relationships. Bitterness towards one person often seeps into other relationships, causing us to project negative attitudes onto those relationships.

→Now Here Are Some Myths About Forgiveness

Forgiveness requires an apology
Sure, we’d all like a complete, heartfelt apology from the person who hurt us. But sometimes the apology never comes. Or, when the apology does come, it may fall short of our expectations. You cannot make another person feel remorse, much less communicate that remorse effectively. Ask for an apology, if you are comfortable doing so—just understand that your ability to forgive is not dependent on anyone else’s words or actions.

Forgiveness is an instantaneous, one-time event
Particularly for deep-rooted injuries, meaningful forgiveness can take years to achieve. But we can always begin the process of forgiveness and deal with resurgences of anger as they arise. For significant wounds, you may want to enlist the help of a professional therapist.

Forgiveness means you have to like the person
Forgiveness is a demonstration of your character, not proof of another person’s. You don’t have to trust the person you forgive, or even like them. But while you don’t have to like the person, you may find it helpful to remember their humanity. The person who hurt you has likely been wounded by others—possibly in devastating ways. While this does not excuse their behavior, it may make it easier for you to feel compassion towards them.

Forgiveness means resuming a relationship with the offending party
If the person who hurt you is a well-intended person who just made a mistake, be willing to give them another chance. But if the person exhibits a chronic pattern of cruelty or untrustworthy, it may be best to distance yourself from the relationship. In cases of physical violence, immediately remove yourself from the situation and seek professional help.

Image result for black couples fighting

Forgiveness means you cannot seek justice through legitimate channels
To forgive is to pardon the emotional debt you feel is owed to you. This is not necessarily the same as clearing any financial or legal debts, especially if a criminal act has been committed. Pursuing appropriate justice through legal channels may prevent others from suffering a similar fate.

Forgiveness requires confronting the person
Often, it is best to confront the person who hurt you. This allows you to articulate how the person’s words or actions hurt you, which may provide a psychological release. It also provides an opportunity for the offending party to clarify their intent, or to express remorse. However, if you do not feel safe approaching the person, do not put yourself in a dangerous situation.
Forgiveness is not easy to dispense, but it is a medicine that ultimately benefits the giver as much as the recipient.

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